I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the way I spend my time and the way that has changed in my recent life. Turning 18 I had a definite goal of getting a website up and running and growing the business. I loved to read marketing books, time management advice and anything that could further that main goal. However, since the death of my father in 2010 I officially stopped pursuing that business. It didn’t feel right anymore, I felt I had done the best I could and that there wasn’t anything more for me to do in that area. The time since that change has been very hard. It’s the first time I’ve felt a major gap laying in the middle of my life. To add to that, I’ve had no clue where to start looking for a repair kit — so to speak. I cannot describe the frustration this can burden a person with, but it is substantial. Maybe you’ve felt it to.
A month in Seattle. A few weeks in New Mexico. Now I understand why I needed to GO. I needed to start repairing. There was a sure need to search and look and see. My answers for the first time, were not within me.
Now I’m sure we all are bound to have these difficult times in our lives, and we all will have a tendency to deal with them in one habitual way or another. But when all my usual backups, like reading, watching movies, making cupcakes, and taking long bubble baths did nothing to soothe my lost, depressed, and utterly directionless mood I had to GO. I had to travel. I just couldn’t stay home. It didn’t seem an option anymore.
I use the term wisdom gathering here on this website to describe this “thing” that I’m doing right now in my life. I feel like I’m picking up pieces of life that feel right to me. Places that feel right. People that feel right… etc. And the only way for me to find these pieces is to feel them out. Test them. It sounds a bit crazy, maybe a bit hard to understand if you’ve never gathered a piece the old fashioned way. It seems a lot easier to have someone hand over the pieces, completely assembled, tell you to integrate them into your life and accept this as your knew wisdom (maybe dogma, in some instances would be a better word to use).
To be continued…
I have more to write on this subject but I’m just curious how many out there have ever felt like they needed to GO… to find something– even if you didn’t know what it was? And tell me about it. I’d love to share your experiences and stories, as we all struggle to put our own pieces together. It’s a tough feeling to have alone and I know I’m not the only one doing this “wisdom gathering” out there. Leave a comment if you’ve ever felt this way too.